The Nursing Entertainment Show

Oh hey, long time no write. Again, valid reasons for being busy (Ken’s new job, buying a house, moving in a few weeks, had a baby) but I’m going to try to write these posts even if I have to type it out “texting style” (letter by letter) on my phone in the middle of the night nursing Reed.

Also, I am skipping over some things I need to blog about (like Kenny’s birthday) but we’ll get there eventually. (Even if it is after we move and settle in in two months.)

So anyway, remember when Kenny was a newborn and it made me awake for all of Ken’s ridiculous sleep talking shenanigans because I was nursing in the middle of the night? Well he is up to it again!

Reed is going on five days old and I think I have a story to accompany each day. The one that just happened though-

Reed was fussing a bit because I was trying to get him awake to nurse. Ken suddenly sat up and starts “shhhhhing” frantically (the bookshelf, the wall, the pillow, and then the bassinet). He saw that Reed wasn’t in there, so he turns and looks at the nursing chair. He looks at the lamp and starts getting concerned about it not being in a straight line or something. He then starts awkwardly laughing and making silly “duh” faces at me, gives me the thumbs up, and lays back down like nothing happened.

Love the front row seat I have for the nursing entertainment show. I bet there will be a new episode coming out later tonight or at the very least premiering tomorrow night. Stay tuned.

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Sssssssssseriously!

Guys, guess what? I was coherent enough to remember a sleep talking story last night. I forgot to tell Ken about it this morning before he left for work so this will be the first time he has heard about it. But that’s the best way to find out what you did in the middle of the night, right? Reading it on the Internet? Ha.

So on with the embarrassing story! Last night Ken suddenly sat up and started making a hissing sound which eventually turned into the word “ssssssssssssseriously”. He then started shaking his finger around and scolding the pretend crowd while saying “if you are going to play that joke on me, I’m going to punch you in the face!” While still wagging his finger, speaking in that harsh demanding tone he said, “you know, a funny. HAHA.” (But said in a way that was not at all a laugh. More like trying to explain a joke to the crowd that was about to get punched in the face.) He then said, “I will punch you in the face!”

In the middle of the night when this happens (at least once a week), I typically don’t have much patience for it because he has woken me up. I usually don’t think it is funny until the next morning. So anyway, to get him to stop yelling at these pretend jokesters so I could go back to sleep, I elbowed him, and he kind of pulled away like I hurt him, laid down, and went back to sleep.

So moral of the story is that if Ken ever threatens to “seriously punch you in the face!”, just elbow him, and he will back down.

Cover Stealer

Another sleep talking story? Don’t mind if I do!

Ken has a bad habit of holding onto the covers and rolling over, so I end up like this in the middle of the night-

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. . . except for worse. The other night he had pulled the covers so much that he barely had any covers because the blanket was so far over. I gave the usual tug on the blanket, but he had the blanket in a death-grip. We had a mini tug-a-war battle for a good 60 seconds before he finally let go. He then sat up and said, “Seriously?! I’m trying to sleep here!”

Woooooh. Excuse me. Nothing like a cranky sleep talking husband. Ha.

Sleeping on the Couch

If anyone found out how often Ken sleeps on the couch, they would seriously think that our relationship was struggling. Not the case, though. He sleep walks out to the couch all the time. 

Last night he sat up suddenly, jumped out of bed, and pounded his fist on the bed. He then said, “That is nasty!!” And then he ran out of the room. If we were super super newlyweds, I probably would have gone out after him and made sure he was okay. Now knowing that he sleep walks all the time, the lazy part of me doesn’t care enough to get up. (Also, a part of me is hoping that he will go out and eat in the middle of the night.Come on Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard! Update on lent to come soon.)

Surprisingly, Ken remembered doing this the next day. He said that he thought that the mattress was filled with yellow maggots, and he claims that he told me to get out of the room. (I didn’t hear him say it, but he mumbles really bad when he’s sleep talking.)

And just so you know, Ken says our couch is really comfortable, so come visit us in South Carolina when we move there! :)

Conquer the Killer!

Last night Ken sat up (sleep talking, of course) and started whisper/mumbling to the wall. He was very animated. He was doing all these hand gestures and shaking his head very emphatically. He looked like Kramer from Seinfeld. He then said sternly, “We need to conquer the killer!” with appropriate hand gestures. He then laid back down, rolled over, waved at me, and went back to sleep.

Seriously, someone needs to get me popcorn for these 3 AM entertainment shows.

Sweetie

So last night we had our first name confusion, which I’m sure is just one of many to come. Surprisingly it wasn’t over Ken or Kenneth or Kenny. It was over who I was referring to when I said sweetie.

In the middle of the night last night, Kenny was crying. I was trying to calm him down, so I said, “You’re okay, sweetie.” Ken suddenly sat up in bed and innocently pointed at himself and said, “Me?” To which I said no. He then shrugged his shoulders, turned his back to me, and fell back asleep. Oh the joys of sleep talking. Such entertainment at 2:00 am.

Also, reality check:

The other day I got a phone call, and the person on the other line said, “Are you Kenneth’s mother?” So weird to hear that. I have finally gotten use to being called mom, but to hear that I was Kenneth’s mother? Strange. I am someone’s mother.

A Snake in the Closet

So when Kenneth and I first got married, I had all sorts of funny stories about him sleep talking/walking. Now I have grown accustomed to it, so when he does sleep talk I’m usually not awake enough to comprehend or remember what he is saying.

Now that I have been waking up to nurse (Update- little man woke up every 2 hours on the nose last night, so apparently he hasn’t gotten the memo that we can sleep longer. Better luck next time.) I have been able to experience Ken’s sleep talking again. So funny! Last night he sat up and said, “There’s a snake in the closet! What should we do?” I said that I didn’t know. He then asked where we should put it. I told him that we could put it in the bed. He said, “Heck no! I don’t want that thing crawling around out here!” *Piano fingers dramatically sway back and forth.* I told him we could put it in the pillows, and then he looked at me like I was the stupidest person alive and fell back asleep.

At least he didn’t rip the closet apart like last time he thought there was something in there. And at least he didn’t jump out of the bed and sprint out of the room because he thought there were icicles of death on the ceiling ready to fall on him. Still pretty good, though.

And now I know you are thinking- What? A post not about Kenny? Yeah, just this once I guess.

Kenny

 

I lied. I had to include a picture of him.